Day 2 - Roadtripin' begins!

Wanted to wake up early at 6 but to no avail as expected. Sun rise was rather early but i guess we're too tired from all the journey the day before to catch the sun rise. Had a hearty nasi lemak for breakfast on Day 2. The friend we're staying with is such a good cook! Around 9 something, we headed off to Fremantle. Heard that's where you get to buy cheap souvenirs. 

It was cloudy and drizzling in Fremantle when we arrived there. Thought it'd be another sunny day so we could enjoy the beach but hujan rupenya di siang hari. heheh

First destination there was the Fremantle market. For me it's a common town market that sells fresh fruits, foods and goods. Since we dnt know any other nice market around Perth, we jst went for this. 

have no idea how to rotate this picture so yeah, exercise your neck

Since the town is located along the coast, of course going to the beach is a much. So we went to the closest beach which is the Bather's Beach. Duhh. The weather got much better by noon so we all felt like jumping in the crystal clear water to swim! 

In Fremantle, another not to be missed market is the E shed Market where u can find the crafts and souvenirs. Went to this one Chinese owned store called Megabes, i think theyre the cheapest. 

Had our lunch at the famous Kailis' Restaurant. Quite pricey but the fishes and seafoods are so fresh! worth the penny! Falling behind our itinerary, we then quickly left for South, to Rockingham via the coastal highway. 

Planned to go to the Rockingham Wild Encounters, and catch the ferry to get to Penguin island and feed the penguins. Unfortunately we arrived just 30minutes late to catch the last ferry there which was supposed to be at 3pm. So frustated coz i really looked forward to feed the penguins!! I think we spent a bit too much time looking and buying for souvenirs in the E shed market! haha! Takde rezeki agaknye..huhu So not wanting to waste the beautiful view of Rockingham, we spent the evening by the rocky beach at Point Peron. Many said Point Peron is safe for swimming and snorkel but as we were quite tight with the itinerary, we didn't get to snorkel and enjoy the coastal reefs lah.You can also go to Cape Peron for another amazing view as well.

Point Peron, Rockingham

Next up is Lake Clifton to see the thrombolites. they are said to be a living fossils! It's a very ordinary looking rocks in the shallow water but apparently it is 2000 years old. Again, unfortunately, when we arrived, the water level is rather high so they're all submerged underneath the water. So no thrombolites for us then! haha! As if to comfort the frustrated heart (since we missed Penguin island ferry and thrombolites), we were gifted with the ever so beautiful sunset view there in Lake Clifton! So it was still worth the long drive and sesat2 though. yeap I enjoy scenic view like this, i'm a hopeless romantic. lol. 

the photo doesnt really do justice to the sunset tho

This is how it supposed to look like when the water level is shallow

Off we go to Western Australia!!

Ola!

It's been a while since i last wrote about my travel and holiday. This time around, i managed to get a 6 days leave for an adventure to the western australia!!Weehu!

Booked the flight from AirAsia in May 2014 for a trip in October 2014. The 5 months wait is unbearable i tell u!! In Perth, we stayed at an acquaintance's place in Bentley. So at least the 3 days accommodation is well sorted. Our rough itinerary:

Perth City (1 night) --> Busselton (1 night) --> Stirling range (1 night) --> Perth City ( 2 nights) --> KL

Rough breakdown of our expenditure on accommodation and transport. 

Flight tickets: RM 718.00 (including 20kg check-in luggage on the return flight)

Perth accommodations: AUD 100 each for the 3 nights

Busselton hostel: RM 359.95 for 4 people 1 night

Stirling range chalet: 687.95 for 4 people 1 night

Car rental: AUD 329 ++ for 6 days

Day 1 - touched down in Perth

We arrived at Perth airport around 6am. Quite early isn't it. Excited lah katakan. 

Luckily one of us has a friend in Perth, so he kindly picked us up from airport and brought us to his house near Curtin Uni to freshen up before we get started with our packed holiday itinerary. 

We had roti canai for breakfast as soon as we arrive in Perth in a cafe called 'Sarapan'.The taste is quite okay, considering it's RM12 per piece! Haha! So once we're full, got our comfy car, we're then headed to Caversham Wildlife Park. It took us about 30minutes to get there. 

On a side note, I really recommend the car rental we got our's from. Simple, no hassle, no hidden fee. Excess reduction down to AUD300. No booking fee, no extra charge for unlimited km, non-UK/NZ/AUS licence, and additional drivers. And the staffs are nice too! We got ours from here:BUDGET car rental 

Entrance fee for the Caversham Wildlife park is $25. it's not a very huge safari, but big enough to introduce you to the famous wildlife of western australia. I'm not an animal lover, so it doesn't excite me much, but the kangaroo and koala definitely got me interested!! 

lazing around,while being fed lying. Good life mate!

Dont u just feel like hugging is this fluffy koala??? 

We missed all the show in the safari but i don't really mind. hehe! Next up in the itinerary is The Pinnacles. So we headed off up north before lunch as it took about 2hrs to get there. It is within the Nambung National park near the Cervantes town. With the clear blue sky, it's definitely a perfect weather to go there! Oh btw the entrance fee for The Pinnacles is $11. You can choose to either walk around the area or drive and park whenever u feel like stopping and take photo. We chose the latter :)

Beautiful view kan?!

You may wonder what are those pinnacles actually are. So did we! What i know is it is an amazing lime stones standing structure, formed by some natural processes in the dunes. More info, Mr Wiki  has it all for u :) 

Still thinking that we need more dessert and dunes, we decided to head down to Lancelin Dunes for some sand boarding. But unfortunately, we arrived there at abt 5:30pm. It was getting dark and the sky looked gloomy already. A lady from the mart advised us to just come again tomorrow for sand-boarding. How sad!! So we just went to the dunes ourselves without the board. 

                          

White sand dunes. If only the sky was not so gloomy, it'd have been a spectacular view in the dessert!

By the time we reached home from Lancelin Dunes it was already around 8pm. Had a nice deliscious dinner at home, and cozy rest after the loooooong day before the roadtrip begins the next day. 

Will be continued..

Long day at work, really.

was in post natal wards for screening yesterday. came in to work around 7.20am after buying some kuih for breakfast. was too tired to wake up in the morning as i was still exhausted from 7am-10pm shift the day before.

whilst preparing to read cases in 5A in the doctors room, got called by a SN frm outside tht they're looking for paeds doctor. was informed by a SN all the way frm 11B tht they have a hypoglycaemic baby with a dxt of 0.7!!! WHAT?!

hospital phones not working tht morning, tht's why she had to come all the way down. fine. so i went upstairs with the super shitty lift. not wanting to delay the Tx, i asked the nurse to call her colleague up there to give a bolus of D10% first. got there, the D2 OL baby looked really lethargic. pity him. dxt went up yo 1.4 after the bolus. 2nd one also given. in the meantime, managed to call my on call MO to attend the case. the child seemed to be in resp distress as well, so we intubated him and quickly transported him to NICU. 

phewh, all in all i came back down to 5A at around 9am. my MO is already there to do rounds but i havent read a single cases. lol. so we just ran through them together quickly. only 2 of us taking care of 4 postnatal wards today. so 5B is on me as well. in the middle of the rounds, my MO had to attend a call in LR. so in between, managed to read some cases frm 5B. rounds resumed around 10:30 and finished nearly 12 kot in 5B. then i continued my screening back in 5A. got branula insertions lah, bloods lah in between. then quickly went to 5B for screening, t'was around 2 something at that time. had to discharge baby really late that day. also, few more issues came up in 5A delaying my charting and discharge - vomiting baby lah, suctioning baby, a child needing eecho and pathological jaundice. phewh!! finished charintg everything around 7.15pm!! didnt even get to finish my breakfast kuih, what's more of having lunch!! had to come back at 9pm for on call! how's that?!

came for night call around 930pm feeling so exhausted already! wasnt that peaceful of a night either! managed to get a nap for abt 2hrs - OK la..had a last minute EMLSCS at 6.45am and reached home at 8am. long long day indeed. 

so tired i dont even know how to describe it. babies are cute. i like it, but i'm mentally, physically and mentally drained. 

Bad habits of Malaysian patients

I am 2 months into ED posting. it's a scary place really. I'm trying really hard to be careful in every diagnosis so i would do justice to my patient and at the same time avoiding any thing tht can jeopardize my career.
Putting the business and hectic aside, i kind of enjoy ED. what annoys me and get in my good mood to be a good doctor are bad habits of malaysian patients and their family. these are wht i have observed so far;

1) Complains about another doctor/healthcare staff
- I have a patient, an "atuk", speaks good english. he refused nurses to insert an IV line for him. so i had to go despite i was busy attending other urgent stuff. he kept complaining how last time there was this doctor who graduated frm ireland, tried >4x but failed to insert a branula for him. luckily, i managed after my first try. he praised me, asked where i graduated frm an be all nice to me.

sir, im not flattered at all. for us doctors, we dont need praises. we need respect. the moment u speak ill of our colleagues or nurses, that's the moment we lose interest in you.

2) Exaggerating illness 
i do understand people wont just seek medical attention if they're perfectly well. But just love to exaggerate. pain score 9/10, but they're saying that so comfortably. happily taking "selfie" on the hosp bed!

hello, we've seen lots of sick people. we knw how they look like. dont exaggerate, say it truthfully as it is, it's not like we're not giving u treatment if u make it less dramatic.

3) Doctor shopping
u've got your diagnosis of T10 compression fracture for your back pain from other other hospital, u've seen the specialist there, got your meds there. and u still come and see me for the same problem??? i sometimes wonder wht are they expecting. top up meds perhaps. if so then go see your doctor, get a letter so u can get a repeat prescription. not to another hosptial ED!!

4) Hard headed
we've seen so so many patients who repeatedly come to ED for unstable angina or DKA or hypertensive crisis because they default their long term treatment and follow up. now tell me, IS THAT FAIR TO US, YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY???

5) Clueless patient and parents
i do understand having a sick child worries every parents. but fever for 1 or 2 day, nothing else, feeding well, come to us at 1am. why ah?

6) MC seeker
self-explanatory.

7) VIP 
at least they think they are. paid RM1 in gov hospital, expected to be attended stat when it's obvious we're overwhelmed with patients who're more ill. a look into on my working schedule: if work pm, i came in at 1pm til 11pm. so i usually had an early lunch and pack dinner. but i rarely get to eat them, and just usually have them at 12am when i get home. some time not a single sip of fluids. not jst me, but it's quite the same for most of us HO especially in ed. it's not coz all or us are not time efficient but it's jst overwhelming. and there u are wanna play vip in here. i'm not buying it, sorry. private hosp might.



sometimes in green zone (clinic rooms), it can get up to 2hrs. i feel sorry for that as well. but lot's of other factors comes in. expect it if you come to ed for minor ailments. in yellow zone for major illness, u are attended to in less than 15mins i would say.

i'm not finding fault in my patients. and it's my job to attend to your illness. but play the patients role right as well. we need to educate our public so that everyone is treated fairly and more efficiently.

8) The expert
sometimes we do see patients who come in and the their first sentence is, "Doktor, sy rase sy kena masuk air la," "Err....kenapa yer?" "Sebab sy pening la, tak lalu makan" Okaaaaay.....


we have varieties of people in the community. some are funny, some are annoying. haha.
Dont get me wrong though, i do see lots of good and kind people as well. Just hope all of us can be pleasant to each other.

happy working!

it's been a while..

Wah!
i can finally write something here again! i thought i have lost my blog to some viruses coz i'v tried writing last month or something but it just wouldn't publish. Was feeling wuite down with the thought of losing this blog since i've had it since 2007!

anyhow, i am now halfway into my 3rd posting which is Obs & Gynae. Alhamdulillah. O&G is alright, good mxiture of ward work and surgical. But i dnt think it's my cup of tea. the enironment is not so favourable. can definitely feel the tensions during emergencies. all labours are like medical-emergency-going-to-happen kinda thing. and the blame game at the morning briefing...is just awful. nevertheless, i learn stuff, i really do. but the learning curve is not that steep. maybe because i dont put lots of effort into it like how i should.

here's few fascinating stuffs i encountered during this 2 1/2 months.

                                                               very bad decelerations

                              An even worse - sinusoidal pattern of CTG (found out mom had an abruptio)

                                                        Ruptured tubal pregnancy at 13 weeks

job scope as a houseman

...at least in a surgical department.
It was hectic at work today. As always. Love it or not, here's a list of what we do on everyday basis or whenever it needs.

1. know our patients' case inside out.
2. review and examine patients regularly.
3. take bloods.
4. set lines.
5. request for imagings - US,CT MRI etc
6. make referrals
7. chart patients' notes for every ward rounds
8. give chemotherapy
9. wound desloughing and debridement
10. simple toilet & suturing
11. assist in the OT
12. prescribe medications.
13. clerk new patients of course
14. discharge patients
15. admin stuffs - referral letters, re-admit forms, blood form, nutrition form etc
16. CME (continuous medical education) - presentations & seminars

that's not all, some addition..
17. off lines
18. ward procedures like NG tube, catheter insertion etc
19. wound cleaning and dressing
20. put up IVDrip
21. run errands for bosses (work related)
22. change venturi tube
23. flush lines/catheter
24. manual blood pressure
25. send bloods to lab
26. fetch transfusion blood from blood bank
27. call up patients for surgery/appointments
28. digitise imaging
29. flash CT image to other hospital
30. accompany patient in an ambulance to another hospital for referral
31. do tracheal suctions
32. do chest physio

that's all for now..will add to the list if i happen to do something bizzare later.

1 month into the working field

it's already a month since i started working in hosp selayang. how time flies.
busy? yes but still tolerable for now.  it's known to many that working as HO in Msia is harsh. long hours, mountains of jobs, fierce MOs and specialists, unfavourable working environment etc. Definitely some truths in that i must say.

the most difficult time is of course during the tagging period. 16 hrs of working for 2 weeks. sometimes even more than tht. i've done up to 20hrs! at least a day off each week tho.
many said tht surgical dept is the most accommodating as compared to other dept. well that's a bit worrying coz we've been scolded alot here so cnt imagine how it's like later on in other dept.
nevertheless, these are what i've learnt so far:

1) Every single moment is a learning process! - Indeed. I came in with almost zero. only God knows how difficult it is to adapt to a new system, at the same time being good and efficient at it. almost impossible. on top of that, this is also the time to practise all those theory learnt in med school. Altho a little slow,(i wish i'm not this lampi!) i do sincerely learn a lot from everyone-the MOs, specialists, senior colleagues and nurses.

2) Keep calm and move on! - feeling unfair, being wronged etc is almost normal. in the end, the mistake is almost always ours. so although it's bitter, take everything in. and then reflect. tht's the only way we'll learn i think. no point in arguing back, got bottled up and being stressed out. 

3) P.R.I.O.R.I.T.I.Z.E - that's the only way to be and feel efficient. heheh.

4) Work in team - we don't do this all time. we manage our own patients most of the time. that's where the problem lies. but, help each other out, and back each other up. no point in putting great effort just to shine by ourselves. seriously no point. and no one would appreciate that. 

i'm anxious every time i go to work. wonder if can do alright that day. and i'm anxious every time i go home at the end of the day. wonder if i've properly finished my work and if i've made any mistake. it's a form of disease i think. keke. hope things will get better with time.

i believe all great figures that we know now have had their moments of hard time. for every success, there's always a beginning. no one starts out perfect. the hurdles make them what they are. 

sekian!

valuable lesson..Caution:serious stuff

Got this from a senior of mine who're in UK as F2. It's a speech transcript from the late Dr. Richard Teo, who was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer. He has just passed away few days ago on 18 October 2012. May he rest in piece. Bless him.

(It's rather lengthy but worth a read!)

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I'm a medical doctor. And I thought I'll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.

Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.

Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.

So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.

You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.

So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most. Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down..

You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.

Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.

Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?

There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.

Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.

Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.

Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.

A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.

Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.

Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.

We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.

Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.

You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.

So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.

I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way.

Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

Few things I’d learnt though:
1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

Get crafty!

I have quite a lot of spare time that I'm still unemployed now. So i can basically do everything that I've always wanted to do before (although I'm just lazing around most of the time) as long as it doesn't involve money coz obviously I ain't have any monayy. I put a pause on sewing laces n ribbons for Ain Al-Sabaa for a bit coz there's no fun in keep repeating doing the same thing and resuming my simple sewing project. Well it does involve some money since I've fallen into this fabric craze now that i managed to find some cool blogs and shops around Klang Valley that sell decent cotton linen fabrics that i love soo much. They're definitely much cheaper than what i bought back in UK. So, that is my problem now :( (bittersweet!)

Mini wrislet

                Make-up pouch

 

  
                Coin purse                                  Pleated make-up pouch
             Pencil case

        

Blackberry case

Clasp Purse

                 

Boxy pouch (bought the oil cloth from Cath Kidston)


I usually get the pdf tutorials from U-Handbag and FreeNeedle. I've tried making bigger bags before but i don't really have a big workstation at home so will probably stick to little stuffs at the moment. It's quite evident from my projects that i am an amateur and I am not a very detailed person either. hehe. But will try to be more neat and careful next time =)

Happy Sewing!~ 

Contemporary Abaya

Salam Lebaran everyone! Maaf zahir & batin :)

Di kesempatan ini, nak promote sikit a humble effort of mine and a friend. We're establishing a new label of abaya/jubah by the name of Ain Al-Sabaa which means; Treasure of the Eyes. The design is simple and most fabrics used are soft linen so it's very comfortable to wear casually or to work. The price for all of our abayas are considerably cheaper than what we already have in retail coz we're very new and at a 'trial' stage. So if you happen to read this, kindly help to promote the site as well =) 

Here is the facebook page: Ain Al-Sabaa
Here is the website: http://ainalsabaa.wix.com/ainalsaba

            

Some of the abaya collection we have:

 

For more photos, do visit the links above kay! =D

" Modesty answers not the crude how of feminity but the beautiful why"

sweet reminder

Found this cute cartoon on the net just now,thought i'd shove them here.

"How to avoid doing bad deeds"

Excellent mind map!

Am currently in Boston doing medical assistantship (what a sophisticated name!). Not the US boston but UK boston. A countryside. I know nothing else but this hospital in this area. But i'm having quite  a good time by myself here. Looooving my consultant, his words of wisdom during ward rounds never fail to inspire me. Although he forget dates all the time. Oh well, it's ok coz I have fun reminding him the date 12 times in a 3-hr round. ^^ 

Bidadari beterbangan~~

Alhamdulillah back in malaysia for electives aka holiday! =D Actually i have been back for over a month already and praise be to Him i'm loving it and i think i've made up my mind! Fullstop!~

One of the events i recently attended was the Konvensyen Bidadari Dunia. A very successful event indeed mashaAllah! Very inspiring, motivating and infomative! Here's a few pics from the event;

Ustazah Bahiyah "Semanis Kurma"

Forum entitled Fashion for Muslimah:Yes or NO" moderated by Wardina

"Bahagia & Membahagiakan" from Prof Muhaya

"Dakwah" by Dr Harlina

Sea of participants 

Us

Ist time solat di Sultan Mizan Mosque., Putrajaya.

This loss..

Up to now, it's still difficult to come to term with this loss. Everything happened sooo quickly it made me breathless! Heard Bruno Mar's Count on Me few days ago, don't think i can ever listen to that song anymore. It hurts.

She's more than just a friend. She's a family, a sister to me. I thank Allah for He has given me this short chance to have someone who's filled with Mahmudah values around me. The joy, the warmth, the happiness, the love and the tears all these years that i treasure so much will always be missed. My prayer will always be with you. See you in Jannah insyAllah....

إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون 

To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return

On a side note, i urge anyone reading this to help this great cause: A donation in memory of Suraiya to raise fund for Human Appeal International's water project. Click here to donate now!   

I want to be a doctor

After 5 yrs in med school, this is the time. 3 more weeks to final exam. **emotionless**

our weekly OSCE practice

Semoga usaha ini diberkatiNya & semoga urusan ini dipermudahkanNya insyaAllah..

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