Wednesday, 25 August 2010

to break, or to hide

i like what i'm doing now. i like what i study now. not merely because it's a scientific medicine. but also coz it involves me working with people from all walks of life with all sorts of different stories and emotions. last week was my labour week. the short-lasting adrenaline rush during C-section was craaazy! the climax is when having to pull and press the tummy, but as soon as the baby pops out and cries, it's such a beautiful anti-climax. same goes to normal birth or instrumental assisted delivery. with the lady screaming in pain, and the worried husband sweating like a pig, wut do u do as a med student?haha initially i just literally froze there for a couple of seconds. it's not like i have experienced labour to give any tips. but yea u don't have to experience it first to empathize, so in a malu-malu kucing tone, i just copied the midwife, "u've done very well!" "just a little bit more, push!push!" (^_^) but when i really thought they've done really well, the midwife said it's the diarmorphine. heheh.

And now i'm on my gynae-oncology week. just imagine the intensity of the emotion inside the clinic every time a patient walks in. if it goes, "it's a cyst measuring 11x12x10cm, we can book u in for surgery to remove the ovary," then it's good news. at least. and if it goes, "it's a cancer of the womb. stage 1a, which confined to the inside of the womb. since u've had your menopause, the best option is to do hysterectomy with the removal of both of the tubes and ovaries (bilateral salpingo-oopherectomy or BSO)," it's worrying, but still quite fortunate. But what if, "we can no longer do surgery. as u know, it'll quickly come back. so the plan now is to give u radiotherapy for about 2 weeks. it's supposed to reduce the cancer cells a bit and shall give some EXTRA TIME. no cure to it. and we'll give u the cream for the infections." feel like the the whole sky just collapsed on u? yes that's exactly how i think this one lovely couple who's in their 80s felt when the oncologist explained the treatment plan. they've been married for 65 years. the wife is 88 years old. has an advanced basal cell carcinoma of the vulva that has spread to both of her groins. she has had a vulvectomy in the past. but the invincible cancerous cells came back and become even more aggressive. the treatment now is just palliative. looking at the lesions in her groins, u would expect her to be in great pain. coz the affected area got infected as well. but she looked totally fine!! and very independent!! she's more troubled by her back pain rather than the sticky lesions in her groins. she put up with it by placing some tissues at the affected area and wear pads. as said by the nurse there, "These elderlies, they just put up with things, they don't wanna be a burden to others," Ya Allah, my heart sank. And the husband, he looked even better!with an obvious effort to hold his tears, he asked the oncologist what did he mean by 'extra time'. and the wife quickly stopped him saying she didn't want to know about it. she just wanted to go with the treatment and take it as it comes along. the world felt so small, i felt so close to them...
sekadar gambar hiasan: colposcopy clinic

p.s; some says childbirth is gory and hence dnt dare to look at it. no i think we have to see it, so we know dari mana kita datang and remind diri kita about who we really are - manusia hina yg dijadikan drpd tanah liat kering dan lumpur hitam (15:26). and remember, there lies the greatness of Allah to those who think. =)

Wednesday, 11 August 2010


Ramadhan Kareem!

Selamat berpuasa kepada semua Muslimin dan Muslimat.
First day of puasa, and im in Lincoln. Very much like back in 2007. grrr. but owh well, it doesnt matter. so let's start off our Ramadhan with a wake up call:

AWAKEN - by Maher Zain