This loss..

Up to now, it's still difficult to come to term with this loss. Everything happened sooo quickly it made me breathless! Heard Bruno Mar's Count on Me few days ago, don't think i can ever listen to that song anymore. It hurts.

She's more than just a friend. She's a family, a sister to me. I thank Allah for He has given me this short chance to have someone who's filled with Mahmudah values around me. The joy, the warmth, the happiness, the love and the tears all these years that i treasure so much will always be missed. My prayer will always be with you. See you in Jannah insyAllah....

إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون 

To Allah we belong and unto Him is our return

On a side note, i urge anyone reading this to help this great cause: A donation in memory of Suraiya to raise fund for Human Appeal International's water project. Click here to donate now!   

Innalillah..

Sedekahkan Al-Fathihah buat nenek saye, Allahyarhamah Ramlah bt Ujang yang baru sahaja pulang ke pangkuan Ilahi pada malam Isnin lalu di wad CCU Hospital Selayang...

AL-FATIHAH..

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Last Sunday after my family n i jst got back from a weekend trip, at around 10pm or so, my dad got a call from Kak Ija (my aunty) asking him to rush coming to Selayang n get Uwe(my nenek) to the hosp saying that Uwe cudn't breathe. By the time we arrived kat Slayang, it was already about 1030pm..Uwe ws unconscious with her face n lips were all so pale already. i tried to feel her pulse but there ws none..!i was so horrified!She was in the midst of having her dialysis when she fainted. So my dad took her to hosp Selayang right away..tp byk traffic lights la pulak..kacao btul..

10 mins later, we arrived at Slyg Hosp n she ws rushed to resuscitation area right away. It took 25 mins to regain her pulse. N it took them 3 times to resuscitate Uwe coz they kept losing her!:( after the 3rd time, the doc askd us if we still wnt them 2 resuscitate her if the pulse wsnt there again. wut the all 3 anaks agreed on : 1 last one..
Then after a few hours, the pulse was gone...again!and so, they resuscitated her..again..Alhamdulillah, they got her back..Lepas tu she ws transfered to CCU ward in a very critical condition, she was intubated n the heart was supported with drugs : dopamine, noradrenaline n one more i dnt remember..the chance of surviving was less than 50-50..n she already suffered a brain damage so she'll only be in coma even though the pulse is present.

I went home the next morning at 7 after having some breakfast kat cafe hosp. me n my dad planned to go back at around 12, but at 10 something..Kak Ija called ayah nangis2 n everything saying Uwe has gone.As panic as it is, dgn x mandi lg tu..we rushed pegi hosp, smpai2 they're alredi crying at the ward waiting area. Hanya Tuhan je yg tahu how it felt! i tried to gather some strength n went in..kissed her on the face..

The silly-and-not-funny-at-all part was when the hosp ppl said Uwe hadn't gone yet. Her pulse was still there. But Kak Ija n Pak Uda (my uncle) said this one Chinese girl doc told them Uwe has already gone..n we knew this only after all the jiran tetangga n sedara mara had been informed!Adoii laa...miscom di situuu...

Lepas bincang2, the family agreed on stopping her drug..n let her go peacefully..so lepas stopped the ubat2, we jst wait n see..baca apa2 yg patut untuk memudahkn pemergiannya, definitely we all x nk Uwe pergi tp seeing her condition..x mau menyeksa lagi, menunggu saat bertemu ajal..

948pm, Innalillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raaji'un..

Death Cert

Top: ECG with 0 pulse rate

Actually i planned to spend the first few days of Ramadhan in Slayang with Uwe..but God loves her more than i do..Watching her left this world right in front of me leaves me a big blow of course, coz i spent most of my childhood in Slayang with her, i grew up under her care!followed by a big regret as well..for not spending more time with her lately..The last time was 2 weeks ago..But thnk you Allah for not having me 2 resit any paper so i cud be by Uwe's side at this crucial moment...I jst cnt imagine if i only hear her leaving me n the world frm afar..dat's even more heart breaking..

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat Allah dan ditempatkn di kalangan org2 yang dikasihi dan diredhai-Nya..Aminn

The last pic together....

the leaving speech...:(

honestly speaking..i dont really quite understand my own current feeling..im supposed to be so hepi n xcited but yet im sad..n kind of reluctant to leave..but mayb this is just for now(hopefully..)

when im gone..
i wont be able to tease momooks..'gomol' him,hug him,kiss his belly n bumpy even..
i wont be able to tease dodo..
i wont be able to holler out abang..
i wont be able to be kissed by ayah..
i wont be able to cat fight with ibu..

when im gone..
who's gonna help ibu with making kuih raya..
who's gonna company her shopping til drop..
who's gonna make fuss to ibu..

when im gone..
momooks can always get into my room without being chew out..
ibu wont have to always ask me to tidy up my room..
ayah wont have to flatten his pocket..
abg wont have to relinquish..

i thought im strong..but im im no toughie!!

friends..
how can they be replaced!
how can i be sure that i'l be as happy!

im going with a big heart..huge hopes..mounted dreams..
with love in my heart..hello uk,gubye msia!!